...all my llife and the closet? I have been single all of my life. I am 35 and feel I have wasted ‘The good years’ because I chose to live my life inside the house and become socially inept. I grew up in a severely dysfunctional family and discovered I liked boys when I was about 12 years old. I was molested by a guy when I was 5 years old and it went on for about 5 years. He was about 15 or 16 years old. He threatened to kill me and my family if I ever told anyone, so I remained silent until I was 28 and finally told my family. The nightmares and panic attacks were bad for 4 or 5 years until I was about 15. I lived my entire life in the closet until just 5 months ago. I came out to a guy I thought was gay and he just used me and discarded me like a piece of garbage. He just pretended to be my friend because he knew I loved him. He dumped our friendship just 2 weeks ago because he got a girlfriend.

So, I chose to live off of my divorced parents from age 18 until 35 moving back and forth between them over the years. Everything was just handed to me. In that time I just partied the pain away with pot and booze and told myself ‘I will worry about my life later’ thinking I would never know true love and will always be single. I held a few jobs for a year or so over this 17 year period, but never learned responsibility or about the real world. Now at 35 I am 350 pounds, live with my mom, am still a virgin because nobody wants to be with me and feel hopeless. I have been off the drugs and alcohol for over 5 years, but just replaced those addictions with food. I am gay and have no skills, no education, and have realized life has passed me by. I have no self esteem, dignity, or discipline and feel like a walking zombie. I am stupid and lazy. I want to know love and experience life now so very much. With no employment history, skills or almost anything else, where do I begin? The load is almost to heavy to bare. I want to change direction now but feel I have waited to long. Will I ever find true love and let go of this past baggage which has made me not want to get out of bed every morning for the past 17 years? PLEASE GIVE SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY-PLEASE NO HATERS. Thanks

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