My 21 year old son is lying to me and doesn't call me. is this normal?

ginnny867 · #1 25-06-2007, 10:25

My son has told be several times that he has done something or bought me something (most recently this mothers day), he even gives details...but it's lies. He has never sent anything, last time it happened I checked with the business he said he bought from, and they told me that they had no purchase from that name, which confirmed what I already new..he has been lying to me for many years now. He also goes months without calling me. Even though I'm very nice and happy when he calls. He knows very well that I love him very much. I worry about him, and I wish he called more often as I am living by myself, and I get lonely. He also knows this too. He also is living a wealthy lifestyle, and will not bother to ask if I need help, when he already knows that Im on social security and I struggle month to month to survive. When He does call he is always out shopping, and he tells me about the expensive things he is buying. But is his behavier normal for his age? what can I do?

vasdfjk k · #2 25-06-2007, 11:05

Its common Dude...He is getting in touch with the world...it helps him a lot

sharene h · #3 25-06-2007, 11:35

Take it from me, it is normal. I have a 21 year old son as well. They are completely wrapped up in themselves and their life. Don't worry, he loves you. I think he lies to you to impress you. He may not want you to worry about him so he says he has expensive things. About the gifts, just tell him you don't need anything from him. Tell him that you would like to hear from him more instead. He will eventually come around and need you more as life hands him lemons.

Wee Fee · #4 25-06-2007, 12:46

im 28 male I remember being 21 going out not calling my mom for days at a time. My mom worried to. ALOT. He's just being 21 as he get older he'll relize what hes doing is wrong and inconciderate. I know I did. so to answer your question yes its normal especially if he gots money.

James S · #5 25-06-2007, 13:15

Sorry to say he's selfish. Maybe someday when he matures he'll come around. But don't plan on it.

Avodah · #6 25-06-2007, 13:25

First of all, no offense but you sound a little overly concerned with how he should feel about you, your probs, your need for him, your loneliness, you money situation. I know you love him, but it isn't his job to be the parent/spouse to you, this is part of the reason why he is disconnecting himself from you, this is totally natural. he may feel like he needs more distance if he senses that you are overly needy of him in the way you have described. He probably gets all tense at the thought of calling you b/c he feels like supporting you in that manner is too much responsibility for him.As for the lying, that is not normal. He probably wants you to think better of him than how he really is doing. He is also young, and at an age when most kids still lie alot to parents. Just let him be himself for a few years, and always be there, listen to him, dont bug him too much, let him know you love him, and ignore the lying unless its something serious. Hopefully he will outgrow some of it (unfortunately, many men regularly lie about trivial things b/c the act of lying carries less emotional signifigance than for most women).

lala maths · #7 25-06-2007, 13:35

Hmm... that's perefectly normal for a 21 year old.

luvyankees · #8 25-06-2007, 13:47

Sounds like he is disconnecting from you....could it be that you pressure him for help and act helpless? That is how you sound in this question. Pretty sad that you would check with a business to see if he purchased something for you. I think that you should consider just being a mom to him - strong and independent- and maybe he will come around. Or maybe he is struggling too and doesn't want you know it....But to answer your question, I don't think it is normal for any kid, any age to disconnet themselves from their parents. I don't think you should expect a call from him everyday, or maybe even every week, but he should be calling often if he and you have a strong healthy relationship.

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