When i got together with my partner he rarley saw his mum as he lived far away. We got together and live nearby now. The problem is that i am 30 he is 37 and she still treats him like a little boy. she is 65 and comes into our house and walks about critising my cleaning, "the place is a mess" critising this and that. my aprtner told her politley what she was doing was not on and she cried and said that he should love her more than me!! She is a nurse like I am also. She finds ways here to critise me like saying that she is a proper nurse, unlike me. she works in general, I in mental health. I hate her as she is a hipocrite as he speaks in a fake posh voice about her "masters degree" when i am still at university.How do I stop these nasty comments??? I hate being around her.

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The thing about some mother in-laws is that they believe know one will ever be good enough for their sons. It doesn't matter who she is, in your house she should respect you the time that she's in there. If talking to her didn't help and she did the crying bit, then I think you need to say something to her. Your partner should be okay with this though, because this is were "tough love" is going to have to come in. It happened with me and my husband. Everything I did she could do better, critized the way I cooked, she even went as fars as cutting my chidlrens hair withougth permission!!! I had to put my foot down and tell her that she needed to respect me and my house and my choices or she would no longer be welcomed in my house. My husband was okay with this, he loves his mother dearly but he married me and his life was to be with me. She cried and didn't come around for awhile but..14 years later, I have the best relationship with her. I love her like she was my mother.

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Sounds to me like she is actually a very insecure woman who needs to put someone else down to make herself feel better. When she comments on your profession...you really need to rise above it because you know that it's not true. If she walks in to your house and criticises the way that you keep your home you need to just be blunt with her. You have a right to be respected in your own house...just tell her that when she walks through your door she can keep her mouth shut if she has nothing positive to say...other wise she won't be invited (and I stress INVITED) back!

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I can feel your frustrations. i too had this type of dilemna. It was even taken to a larger degree when she manipulated the actions and truths to make me appear opposite of me. It was not at all easy, especially because i was not about to play her games right back at her. what kind of person would I be? Just as much of a hipocrit thats what kind. So between that fact and the fear of being the cause of problem between my husband with his mother, it took me way too long to learn and I learned in a way I wish could have been avoided. unfortunately Lisa, the truth of all truths is this. She as a mother knows her actions should a nd could be proper. She knows better than this way she is acting and will continue to thrive on it. As long as you allow her, for whatever reasons, then she just as strongly will be convinced you are not the right one for her son. You must first inform your husband of whats going on. Ask him if he has any suggestions regarding the best way to deal with this. If he does not want to become involved he will either deny witnessing such things or he will not take you to seriously. Don't fret on this. This is a sons way to avoid the confrontation of his controlling mother. It is nothing personal. Whats the point? Your efforts are true and honest. This proves not just to them but most importantly to yourself that you are trying with the best intentions. and your tries are what you need to know. this prevents you to fall into the belief that she wants you to have..DOUBTS...And make sure you keep him clued in regarding the degree of abuse the words she uses with you get. regardless of how strongly he seems to be opposing your views.TRUST ME..He is simply avoiding the confrontation of a controolling mother. Most likely he is so accustomed to suchan avoidance he cannot realize thats the truth. (not his fault, a controlling mother does this damage before you came along)She leaves him out ofthe abusive behaviors or makes sure he doesnt witness it ..s. So you also should make sure you keep this between you two. His support will come into play when time..trust in that. For now..this is your battle that you need to put an end to. . Her issues should not be yyours. However her behavior and actions that stem from such issues and bleed out onto you? Should not just be addressedbut bluntly objected. If she portrays you to being out of line? Well let her try to portray you differently. Truths will never become manipulated as long as you are not constantly trying to prove them.State them ...then stand by them. Ask her not to associate with you unless your husband is present if need be. Because your husbands presence surely must influence her behavior.IF NOT ANDSHE STILL SPEASAKS WRONGLY TO YOU AND?OR ABOUT YOU?Your husband needs to step up put her in her place. If he does not. then your going to be forced to prove you will not tolerate being treated this way by either removing yourself or removing her. preventing her presence .For me it had to get WAAAY out of control. physical even. And I still regret that it had to get that way. however, Her issues were not mine. there was no possible way for me too resolve her issues. the physical threat was not by me..she came after me with cerazed and determined hurt on her mind.My husband stopped her. and she left... but you need to be certain you dont allow your anger to ignite. keeping your anger to a choice rather than having it thrown about out of control will surely show the true colors of your mothrer in law. And succeed in your real desire.Giving her no choice except to aaccept your wishes . Tell her in front of your husband regarding her abusive words regarding you. But say it without anger and remember your truth is not to hurt her like she did you. Your goal is to get treated with the respect you earn and deserve. Nothing less nothing more. no competing . No scores tallied. Keep it simple and she will be limited on ammunitions that ignite a fires of destructions .

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