What can I do?

lovebug123 · #1 10-07-2007, 16:05

My husband and I have been married for five years, and it's been an o.k. marriage, we've had our share of ups and downs. The thing is, lately (past few months), it doesn't seem like we have a relationship at all. He is moody and distant, and every time I bring it up, he says there is nothing bothering him. When I ask him if he is happy in this marriage, he says "yes", but doesn't even crack a smile. At times he just seems so miserable, that I feel guilty being here, like I'm the one dragging his life down. He's never been one to really communicate and getting him to talk about his feelings is like pulling teeth. I even went as far as asking him if he wanted a divorce, and he says No, and sounds like he really means it. He is totally antisocial, he doesn't have any friends, doesn't want them, he's been that way since I've known him, I had to pratically pester the hell out of him, just to get him to talk to me when I first met him. I honestly don't believe he's cheating.

dafilthymofo · #2 10-07-2007, 16:15

End it. A marriage should never be just ok. Your on the misery path get off it and get on a path to your personel happiness.

Freakzilla · #3 10-07-2007, 16:45

I notice you didn't mention your sex life. Try having sex with him. More than once a year. Believe it or not ladies, this factor can make or brake a man's happiness.

Happy-2 · #4 10-07-2007, 17:15

He was antisocial when you met him. He is antisocial now. Nothing has changed. A wedding ceremony contains no magical power to change a man. He is who he is. Accept him, accept that this is how he interacts with the world and with you, and realize that this is as happy as he gets and that if he didn't have you his life would be worse than it is. Just keep being the wonderful person that made him want to marry you in the first place. Don't try to change him. Do embrace him for who he is.

Musicality · #5 10-07-2007, 17:45

There may not be anything you can do. If this is the way he's always been, then it may be his natural taciturnity. On the other hand, if he was just quiet before and now appears to be downright depressed, then his mood will affect yours (and already has, apparently).You need to talk to him about how you feel. If it is very bad, and nothing changes, you may want to seek counseling. No one wants to feel that they are the reason for someone else being miserable.

mad_twinkie · #6 10-07-2007, 17:55

If he has been like this since you met him, then you got what you bargained for.

Chatterbox · #7 10-07-2007, 18:15

Sounds like he's depressed. Ask him to talk to a doctor as it is getting you down. If he refuses you must tell him you cannot live like this anymore. And, follow it through. Life's too short to be miserable.

Frank L · #8 11-07-2007, 07:16

I would first tell him that you are worried about the relationship no matter what he says. i would explain that you are both heading towards losing each other and most important I would reiterate to him that you Love him and the last thing you want is to lose him. Don't try to think for him, don't try to make up his mind, make him tell you the truth and them believe it if he says everything is fine.he has to make his own friends, you can't do that for him but you can meet some new people and see if he has interest.

Yvette D · #9 11-07-2007, 07:55

That is honestly how he might just be......You even said that is how he was when you met him....You practically had to pull things out just for him to talk...I don't think he will change and maybe you thought he would by marrying him...He kind of sounds like the same person when you met him....I think if you were to sit down and honestly open yourself up to him and let him know how you feel and have been feeling maybe he will take into consideration that you can't be with someone you feel invisible to.....I know how that feels and it's not a good feeling at all....Hopefully, he will see that he needs to do some changing before you make the decision to leaave him...I hope everything does work for the both of you***

MLJ · #10 11-07-2007, 08:05

Hi, this is just my advice and I don't know if its the advice you should listen to, however its the best I have.Are there other things that have happened in the 5 years that you've been married that have bothered your husband along the way? How did you deal with the little things? You have to start really listening and watching your husbands manorisims, you have to remember what can or does make him come out of his shell. Ya, know why don't you say this, just look at him right in the eyes and say something like...you've been feeling this way for months now and whatever is going on doesn't seem like its getting much better. I love and care about you and want to try to help you, and I know that if this was me you would want to help me out too. Tell him its just as hard for you to see him like this and you want to try to help him, this after all is what marriage is suppose to be about. You have to communicate with each other some way. Tell him too that this is now making you upset and afraid because you love him and don't want to be left out of his life. Now before you say these little and mighty words tell him and prepare yourself....(because who know's what's bothering him, right). But tell him it's ok to tell you, and that your stronger than he knows........then leave it alone. I just reread your question. When I first started this answer I was going to start out but didn't. Obviously you knew how this guy was before you married him...my question to you (not that you need it right this minute) is if you already knew this about him then why do you seem so distraut by this now? I know, like most of us out here we "think" we can do these wonderful things to get our significant others to change. And when they don't.........then what?Does your husband have brothers or sisters that know him really good, or his parents....AND will help you to help him, but keep there mouths shut that there helping you try to reach him. Other than that get on the net and try to get some answers, derpression, anti social behavior, he's sounds like an introvert. Anyway that's about all I can come up with. Your carrying way too heavy of a load in your marriage...I bet its like you don't feel like you have a husband but a little boy. It's sad too that he can't see what this is also doing to you, and that he should at least try to open up to relieve your mind and to not make you sick with worry. Selfish, is what he is. If he doesn't change you then need to go and talk to someone (a professional) to help you understand and cope with him, and possibly give you much better suggestions to your question, so that you may some day be able to get him to be more open. I really hope something works out for you....and him. Good Luck to you.

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