my wife and I are seperated but not divorced , she is not letting me see my kids...

jdjackson74 · #1 26-06-2007, 15:55

...except under her conditions.? I am a christian, my lawyer says I have the right to see them but I do not want to do anything to upset them. She is really just using them against me. What do I do?

rshiffler2002 · #2 26-06-2007, 18:35

Welcome to reality. You are in a no win situation.

Summer B · #3 26-06-2007, 18:55

Going to court to make sure that you can see them will not upset your kids in the long run. They are just upset that you and your wife are seperated. I would try to talk to your wife about agreeing to a visitation schedule in writing, if she is not willing to do that go to court. Also, I would fight for custody of the kids or at least 50/50.

Kristy s · #4 26-06-2007, 19:15

"Under her conditions" means what? Maybe she is just trying to keep this as routine as possible for the kids sake. Since she is making sure that u r involved I wonder what ur really mad about

abstract_alao · #5 26-06-2007, 19:26

sounds like she is a very controlling woman. she is enjoying the fact that she is using the kids as a tool in your divorce. i would listen to your lawyer or you will not be able to see your kids again.

casey O · #6 26-06-2007, 19:35

go to court,duh!;0)

npleck · #7 26-06-2007, 20:06

Well it's simple really, you and your wife had kids and there both yours and she has no right at all to stop you from seen them. If she trys to stop you without a good reason then she is breaking the law and I guess you would have to go to court to see who gets rights for the kids. So you either work out some sort of time table or you go to court.

bilbo22 · #8 26-06-2007, 20:15

take her to court. it might be hard on your kids at first - especially if she will tell them all sorts of bad things about you and how you want to put mommy in jail. Short term pain long term gain.im sure thats what Jesus would do.

i know it all! · #9 26-06-2007, 21:45

petition the court to issue a temporary visitation and child support order. Then you can have the Sheriff escort you to get them and there is nothing she can do about it!

Suthern R · #10 27-06-2007, 01:51

She has no more a legal right to see them or spend time with them than you do and she is not allowed to just dictate terms without a judges order. You need to take the initiative in this situation. Make sure that you have a suitable home for them when they are with you and that you can provide for all their basic needs. Then you need to get your lawyer to a judge to make a ruling that you can see you children 50% of the time and file a grevience againt your wife for with holding the children from you. This will get you on record before she pulls any kind of a stunt to make you look like a bad dad and when you go to court for the divorce, it will work in your favor of having a previous judgement against her when it comes to the child custody. I fully understand your not wanting to upset them, but you need to take the control away from her, because she will end up with full custody and make all the rules if you do not work to head her off at the pass. Right now, she is probably making a case against you to say that you never spend any time with the kids and you are not really a part of their life. Let her keep it up and she will have pretty good evidence to show just that. Then she will get full custody, the house and mega child support that you will have a hard time paying.

lorak2000 · #11 27-06-2007, 06:01

Do everything possible within your legal rights to see your kids. If they are worth having, they are worth fighting for.We didn't see my husband's kids for 5 years because of his psycho ex....but she finally came around and is a Christian now and we get to see them, but we'll never get those 5 years back. We had no money to fight her back then and it was the best thing we could do for them and us. But glory to God it all worked out!Good luck to you and those precious little ones!

mgnavadomskis · #12 27-06-2007, 06:25

Same thing happened to my husband when his ex-wife left him. She took his daughter with her & would only let him see her if they all went out together. He didn't just want to visit his daughter. He wanted to continue to be her parent, doing all of the day to day stuff that a parent does. He had no choice but to file for divorce, so that he could get a custody order in place & start having real parenting time with his daughter, again. Once he filed, she absolutely refused him contact altogether until forced to do so by the custody order, months later. But, after it was in place, he had legal recourse available to him -and- he could start building his new life with his daughter during the time he had with her. Get that custody order in place. In the long run, that will be so much better for your children - having certainty instead of whims in their days. Knowing when they will be with each parent. And having each parent knowing what's what, in order to alleviate any arguing.

Romans 8:28 · #13 27-06-2007, 06:47

I am very sorry for your situation. Regardless of what others have said, your faith IS important and has a LOT to do with how you handle this situation. You obviously love your children and want to deal with this in a godly manner. BLESS YOU for that! Christians are SUPPOSED to give God control of EVERY area of their lives 24/7 - not just an hour on Sunday mornings! Unfortunately, it is common for couples with children to use the children against one another - which is COMPLETELY selfish! The children are hurting too, and doing that sort of thing just makes it harder on them. (I'm speaking from personal experience - my parents divorced when I was 4 and my mom was VERY manipulative!)If your divorce is not final and there are no legal documents on file regarding visitation, then your wife has no legal right to refuse visitation (assuming you aren't asking for unreasonable times, like bringing them home late at night if she has to work the next day, etc.) You really don't give enough information (reason for the divorce - who initiated it & why), so the best I can recommend is to follow your lawyer's advice. There's probably something he can do to work out the visitation / joint custody arrangements until the divorce is final. Continue to pray and to place your faith in God. Let the Holy Spirit guide your decision, not your "feelings". btw - I have a friend who is a good mother, has a job and the ability to provide for her sons; but the father had a better lawyer, and HE has full custody of both boys. (I know both parents well. He's an abusive jerk who takes better care of his step-children than his own sons. Go figure...)