even if u dont see them again...

my now ex girlfriend and i split up a year ago and stayed friends, we split cuz she lied alot wich hurt real bad, we were together for almost 3 years, we always stayed close (or so i thought) and my feelings have never changed, i love her so much and would still do anything for her now,
a few months after we split, (while we were "friends") we had a long talk and decided to get back together as we loved each other etc.but the next day she phoned me saying she met someone else, she hated me and wish id get ran over, and tormented me for a week sayin how intense and sexual it was betwwen them in detail, i cried and cried and asked y but she just laughed,
i stopped all contact after this as i got depessed and broke down, still hurts to think now,
about a month after this she emailed me sayin sorry and that her nan died and she needed me, so we stayed in contact after that, we met up, talked and asked her to explain y
And she kept telling me what a mistake she had made by walking out my life and how bad he treats her and how sorry she was, that she loves me more than ever, we met up several times to talk after this but didn’t tell her how I truly felt and what she put me through as didn’t want to make myself venerable and get hurt again,
A few months had past and they split up and found us 2 getting close again, they apparently split up because all she talked about was me,
My feelings were getting stronger and stronger until one day last week I told her how I felt, she said she felt the same and we cried, kissed and had a cuddle and we talked about getting back together, she said I should a a few days to think about it and understood that it will take time after everything that’s happened

Its weird cuz everytime im with her I go into my own little world and everything is perfect; it was one of the 1st times I smiled since she walked out my life
I went round to hers the next day to tell her that I wanted her too, had a talk, then just looked at me plain faced and said she felt nothing and grinned because another ex got back in contact with her, my heart sank and I just left and didn’t understand why she would do that to me, now she phones me as if nothing had happened between us and she goes on about this other ex, how she stays at his and says stuff that’s she knows hurts me
I feel so stupid n upset cuz over the months I became emotionally attached to her again, thinking now reading this back she obviously must of set me up just to hurt me and I fell for it cuz of how I feel
haven’t got many people I can talk to and can feel myself and the depression setting in again, I don’t know where to turn, it’s all that’s on my mind 24/7
A lot of this maybe mixed up as cant stop crying, sorry in advance
i want to be happy again but cant see how :o(

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Yahoo! Answers 4ever

keeep yourself occupied with work and other friends. this is the only way out. from what you wrotte here you are a person who can not decide and stick to a decission.