Ok - I want to start with that I do not want a divorce - and I do nor does my wife - however, she has lied to me recently about contact with another man. She went on vacation a few months ago - and met a man that she had limited contact with - but strong feelings arose in some "what if" scenarios. After she returned I did find out about this, and we have discussed this situation, and are in counseling, but she denies ever contacting him since she has returned.However, I have found emails that - the very next morning she wrote him a short seeet email stating she regretted not spending more time with him one of the days, and signed it with "XOXO". He replied about moving closer, and that he would like to see her again, and she sent out (based of another email I read from a friend that knows about this) - that was longer and sweet - and laid everything out there. I have NOT seen this email, and he has not replied in 3 weeks -and she has since deleted him from her email/contact list.So I know he has not replied - but I want to see what was in that mail - am I worng? The email from her friend said it was sweet without being musht - and that there is no black/white - just gray areas in this situation. Even though she has deleted them from ouor computer her friend still has copies of everything on hers - do I need to confront her about this - or let her deal with it on her own.I just do not want this to be a "lingering" issue in our marriage?

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Let's be honest here - in a way you want to know.. in a way you don't.. you know that those words will haunt you.. whatever he said to her will be in your mind over and over... if you know she's broke contact and are willing to move on... do that. You say that you want to continue with your marriage.. but bringing him up all the time won't help. Why don't you write her your own "love" email or letter - she obviously wants to work it out with you from what you've written and she probably wanted that attention and "romance" she was getting from him... so, you be the one to give it to her.

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Don't make this a lingering issue in your marriage. Whatever she wrote in that email, it was enough to scare that guy away. She's a woman scorned. So if you confront her now, she'll just project the rejection onto you and hate you instead.

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I know exactly how you feel... you don't trust your wife right now. Whether you see the other emails or not it still hurts because she betrayed you and your marriage. Is she sincere in the counseling? Do you see her trying to change the things in your marriage that led to this poor decision on her part? It is a tough call. My husband did something similar to me... carried on a "relationship" with someone mostly online... and when we first started counselling he went through the motions but eventually returned to his "online relationship" and I of course found out. It has taken sometime but he eventually has realized that he really does want our marriage to work and he is working on it. I still have difficulty trusting him even though it happened 3 years ago but I chose to forgive; and it is a choice because it didn't feel right at first, but that was an important part of us healing what was wrong with us. Ask God for some help, he can make things happen you don't think are possible.

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I know you don't want to hear this but the sad truth is, your marriage is pretty much over. It takes two to make it work & both parties have to want it. If She's lying to you, you have no trust. Why would you want to stay with someone that wants someone else? Love yourself more than that. It's going to be painful but, it's probably time to separate.

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Well first of all let's evaluate what you said. She claims that she had limited contact with him. Yet she emailed him and lied to you about that. What makes you feel that she wasn't lying about the limited contact? Do you really think she would tell you the truth? I don't think so, not if it could result in you divorcing her. She may not even tell her friends how far she really went for fear the word would get out. Good grief why would he talk about moving closer if they just had limited contact? Keep in mind also that there are more ways to communicate than just email. I would keep a close eye on her. If in a few months you still feel uneasy, there is a reason. I venture to say that what she has done is going to cause you a lot of trouble in the trust department. Maybe she isn't talking to this man anymore but you now know her capabilities. What stops her from becoming involved with someone who is more close to home? Hopefully the counseling will help you both recognize the problems you have which caused her to slip up in the first place. As for confronting her, well she may truly have stopped talking to this person. If she is not guilty and you confront her this will cause major problems. These problems could push her back into talking to him. Just keep a good eye on her and by all means show her how much you love her. Good Luck

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