My 13 year old son is a really great kid, but he struggles with impulse issues. He was adopted into our family at 10, and is a different race then our family. We live in a small town with VERY limited resources as far as school choices. He is smart, and thus far has resisted peer pressure, and there has been a lot. I want to do what is in his best interest, and I am afraid that homeschooling will not give him socialization skills because we have no support group for homeschoolers in our area. He is being called names and teased unmercifully, and as last school year wore on, he became very depressed. He doesn't know what he wants, and the therapist he sees is on the fence, as we are. Opinions?
There are NO private schools within 200 miles.

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i'm in seventh grade now, and when i was in sixth grade i broke my arm and was homeschooled. I loved it and it was a great time to bond with my teacher. I would'nt call homeschooled children anti-social, but you can get him involved in volunteering or any other classes like karate, soccer,etc. And its better because it's one on one and your child won't have any other distractions as far as disruptful students. And if he was being called names and being teased and that was making him depressed, i think it would be better for you to homeschool him. It would give him time to think about what he wants. Hope this helps!

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I'm going to suggest the Homeschool route. There is only 1 support group where I live and it is pitiful---so I started my own (yep you can do that). Socialization comes from actually getting out there and becoming involved (sports, theatre, volunteer work), he CAN NOT be excluded from School sports by law and if you want him to take State Mandated tests, they must also let him (FCAT,SAT, etc)...they cannot legally bar him.
Let him have a hand in what he will learn and teach to his strenghts. That's the beauty of homeschool 'Learning at their pace'.

Good luck

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I would make him choose, as he is the one who will have to live with the decision either way. Help him with a list of pros and cons of home schooling.

Home school is a good option, if that is what he chooses. He is not getting socialization skills if he is being called names and teased unmercifully and not socializing.

If you belong to a church, make sure he joins whatever groups he can join. If not -- consider joining one if you can find one that fits your beliefs.

Keep in mind he can join a local boy scout troop, 4-H, summer sports, and things like that to get some socialization skills.

Another thing -- it sounds like he is not only racially different from you, but perhaps from everyone else in town too? That is very difficult. See if you can find an e-mail buddy or someone in a nearby town (or two) who shares his racial heritage. Perhaps someone else who comes from a small town that feels the same pressures. This may help him by giving him someone he can comfortably socialize with.

Finally, consider a boarding school. I attended one, and for me (not for everyone) it was a release because it was religious and I wasn't harassed and teased because of my dedication to my beliefs. This was critical to my well being. I know you just got him and love him a lot and want him with you -- but consider the better good if you can find a place for him to fit in. Or perhaps after a year or two of home schooling he would fit in better there.

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I would say definitely go for home school. The one on one instruction will help him build confidence and you will be able to build and maintain a close relationship with him as well. Socialization skills are gained by him being around you and watching how you handle situations. Expose him to different ages and groups of people. Sign him up for activities that interest him and he is sure to find friends with similar interests.

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If I were you I would try to at least get him out of that school and home school or look for a private school. He can get socialization skills from church, volunteering and sports.....have him take karate or something fun. From what Ive seen in the news with all these kids snapping because they were picked on and the teachers did nothing to stop it.

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I realize I'm just one opinion, but you asked, so I'm sincerely answering this with my deepest concern! I'm a teacher in a public school, so my first impulse is to answer to try school for about ten reasons. HOWEVER, in this case, I'd shout out NO. Not because of peer pressure--he will face that eventually and elsewhere. Not because of racial issues. Not because he's smart...so why? I'd say to home school to save his life! If he is being "teased unmercifully" and becoming depressed, this could ruin his entire life. How can we even ask the question when we see it framed differently: "Should I let my child be tortured for just a year or two?" I have other issues here with what must be an ineffective school system to ALLOW bullying--though I realize they can't see it all. Also, I have a problem answering this question with TWO choices. I wish there was a private school, different school, etc. to try. If there really isn't, how do YOU feel about home schooling? If you are not willing to do this with enthusiasm, it may have huge academic drawbacks and he could still do drugs in the day if you aren't supervising. So with that said, if you feel comfortable home schooling it is often more effective in the SHORT RUN. I'd solve other issues by 9th grade so he can attend a high school, live a normal life, play sports, etc. He's NOT five, so he can "catch up" with socializing in a year or so when he starts high school, I'd imagine. Still, could you allow him to find even ONE friend, say in your place of worship or among your circle of friends. He does need a friend during these critical years! Hope that helped. Depression may be more serious than you realize!

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I would say try it for a year, see how it goes and if it's worth continuing. You do not need to have a support group to have social opportunities. If he has even one friend from school, make sure they have frequent contact. Surely there are other social things in your town? Even if not, you make every possible available social activity one in which you prepare him for it so that it all goes smoothly.

In the end, which would you say is worse: living with depression for years, potentially leading to suicide or some other violent activity, or *potentially* having his social skills suffer? (btw, do you really think he's going to lose ALL social skills if he had to be at home with you and could only interact with you? Does that make any sense at all?)

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